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headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show" my name is jon stewart. oh, tonight's program -- tonight's program is one you'll enjoy. our guest a woman who skyrocketing to fame by (bleep) in a sink -- [ laughter ] doris kearns goodwin will be on the show tonight. [ laughter ] melissa mccarthy we're very excited. let's begin on the conservative movement. ask any rock-ribbed conservative and they say. >> we the people are allowed to decide how to live our lives trchlz a parter for individual freedom. >> it really is liberty versus tyranny. >> i don't want a bigger government telling us how to live our lives. >> order us around, tram. our freedoms. >> get out of our lives mr. nanny state. >> jon: please, mr. nanny state is my father. call me jon. by the way, mr. nanny state the name of my ill fated 1994 attempt at a family comedy political thriller. [ laughter ] first movie that went direct to your toile
headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show" my name is jon stewart. oh, tonight's program -- tonight's program is one you'll enjoy. our guest a woman who skyrocketing to fame by (bleep) in a sink -- [ laughter ] doris kearns goodwin will be on the show tonight. [ laughter ] melissa mccarthy we're very...
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york city is, you know, we are enormous fans of walls here in new york city. whether it's your wall. what keeps it fresh for you still? do you find new things in the songs that you've written years ago? do you find... how do you reconnect to that material? i know at 12-12 you had someone on who was amazing. how do you reconnect? >> the version of the wall that i'm doing now, if it's from the one that i did with pink floyd in 1979-80 and that is far more universal in its message. it's no longer about that miserable self-serving nasty little roger that we all hated those years ago >> jon: never crazy about him. it's more about what you accused me of which is the rebellion that the trying to understand the world and help people occasionally. >> jon: and the compassion that you display in those pursuit >> once does have empathy for people who are in trouble. >> jon: you, my friend, are more generous even with the flu than many will ever know. i really appreciate it. i thank you for being with us. ( cheers and applause ) roger waters. we're going to let him go and
york city is, you know, we are enormous fans of walls here in new york city. whether it's your wall. what keeps it fresh for you still? do you find new things in the songs that you've written years ago? do you find... how do you reconnect to that material? i know at 12-12 you had someone on who was amazing. how do you reconnect? >> the version of the wall that i'm doing now, if it's from the one that i did with pink floyd in 1979-80 and that is far more universal in its message. it's no...
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in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody. welcome to the daily show with jon stewart. i'm very excited to be back on the air. all right. you may have noticed our show, we were on a little bit of a hiatus in the past two weeks because we possess the same work ethic as children in the private school. i don't know what to tell you because while we were gone in just three weeks everything happened ever. tragedies, incompetency. i don't know even know where to [bleep] start tonight. gun debate? hillary clinton's fake fake brain blood clot? barack obama is filling up his cabinet with old white guys and republicans like chuck hagel? meanwhile some republicans are up with the hagel pick because of his possible antigay views. the democrats are filling in with the old white guys and the republicans are helping the the gays. i can't wait to see what the daily show is going to do with that story. there's no time. there's too much. dam damn you mayans. why couldn't the world have ended when you said
in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody. welcome to the daily show with jon stewart. i'm very excited to be back on the air. all right. you may have noticed our show, we were on a little bit of a hiatus in the past two weeks because we possess the same work ethic as children in the private school. i don't know what to tell you because while we were gone in just three weeks everything...
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because in new york city it's colder than a witch's titty it's new york! it made me realize something. gorm -- gorming is a total -- global warming is a total hoax and here is how i know, because it's cold today where i live. that's. ♪ just science. in fact, if anything there's a new ice age coming today. [ laughter ] where i live. which we're totally unprepared for because it's been so unseasonably warm this winter. touch wonder who is perpetrating this global warming hoax. climate scientists are too dumb to pull it off. and all of our supervillains are safely locked up at an asylum and there's really only one man capable of this hoax. perhaps noted mantei teo prankster ronaiah tuiasosopo tuiasosopo! stop it with this cold! tuiasosopo! our lips are turning blu-asosopo. we'll catch the flu-asosopo. because i have a kind of weak immune system because i'm a jew-asospo. [ laughter ] i'm going to be sorry to see this guy go quite frankly. here we are, listen two days since barack obama's inauguration speech in which he may recall you gave an unapologetic def
because in new york city it's colder than a witch's titty it's new york! it made me realize something. gorm -- gorming is a total -- global warming is a total hoax and here is how i know, because it's cold today where i live. that's. ♪ just science. in fact, if anything there's a new ice age coming today. [ laughter ] where i live. which we're totally unprepared for because it's been so unseasonably warm this winter. touch wonder who is perpetrating this global warming hoax. climate...
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because i hear new york is thinking oflyizing this ♪ i now pronounce you-- ♪ ♪ (applause) >> jon: you know what? if we as a culture have no objection to priests singing-- (laughter) what is to stop them from murder? (laughter) we'll be right back. (cheerd applappl >> jon: welcome back. now journalism may be suffering in america but in most america it's flour shalling. wyatt cenac has more in this, his final report. >> reporter: in puerto rico the most popular television show is called superxlucido starring la comai and it's a a news program. in fact, this juggernaut gets 40% of the puerto rican audience and crushes most other major news networks in the state. though i traveled to san juan to learn their secret. >>> is it just me or is there a weird monster lady right there? >> no, she is a journalist. >> she's a journalist. >> yes, she is. this is like the famous. >> i came here to talk to puerto rico's most trusted journalist. >> yes, people get if yous from me. >> this is a puppet. >> it's a lady. >> i don't understand how your journalists. >> because we do investigations all the ti
because i hear new york is thinking oflyizing this ♪ i now pronounce you-- ♪ ♪ (applause) >> jon: you know what? if we as a culture have no objection to priests singing-- (laughter) what is to stop them from murder? (laughter) we'll be right back. (cheerd applappl >> jon: welcome back. now journalism may be suffering in america but in most america it's flour shalling. wyatt cenac has more in this, his final report. >> reporter: in puerto rico the most popular television...
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in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". you magnificent bastards. [ laughter ] we've got a good one for you tonight. cbs news man bob schieffer he will be talking about the news business of which he is a part. we're going to begin tonight. there's a lot of stories. i don't even know where to start. [ laughter ] let's see if we have anything in an enormous fall from grace. >> on monday lance armstrong admitting doping while he was winning the tour de france seven times. [ laughter ] >> jon: i believed in you lance armstrong. i shelled out a dollar for a rubber bracelet that i have somewhere in my house. [ laughter ] for you! i did it for you. and when i think of the fact that i spent a -- [ laughter ] well, i think we all owe cancer an apology. [ laughter ] or is that not the lesson in all this? well, listen armstrong is a cheater but it's good news for america's second favorite cyclist who i'm
in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". you magnificent bastards. [ laughter ] we've got a good one for you tonight. cbs news man bob schieffer he will be talking about the news business of which he is a part. we're going to begin tonight. there's a lot of stories. i don't even know where to start. [ laughter ]...
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headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hello, everybody. welcome to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. our guest tonight mr. josh brolin is going to be here. he will talk about his experience with zen buddahism like jeff bridges last night that his to rewatch to understand. our credit got downgraded last year. i think we can agree it's time to get serious to figure out to restore the world's respect for the soundness of curn cinch a $1 trillion platinum down be minted and the government could use that to pay the debt. [ laughter ] >> jon: um, i'm -- [ laughter ] ah not an economist -- [ laughter ] -- but we're going to make (bleep) up, i say good big or go home. how by dool 20 trillion coin. forget about it say i was digging through the white house curbs and eisenhower had the $100quillion coin around. i know it's real because it has our nation's symbol a uniform with a centure. that traditional america is gone no
headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hello, everybody. welcome to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. our guest tonight mr. josh brolin is going to be here. he will talk about his experience with zen buddahism like jeff bridges last night that his to rewatch to understand. our credit got downgraded last year. i think we...
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york city to sign a new book. she said she was trying to get to barnes and noble this afternoon >> jon: now that's fair. biden can get inaugurated any time but if the justice waits too long, there may not be a barns and noble anymore. boom! bricks and mortgage and slam. anyway, to the main event. >> the first lady and those new bangs >> jon: yes. it's a new haircut. it is difficult to pull off something fun and flirty at age appropriate. she does it. she does it. i'm not diminishing the significance of the hair. the point is this. first husband barack obama had his public oath administered today. remember when the two famously fumbled >> i will execute the office of president to the united states faithfully >> that i will execute the office... >> faithfully, the office of president of the united states >> the office of president of the united states faith fli sniem courteous, kind and forgiving. the president was nervous then. it's understandable. let's watch them do it again this time. while you're watching, imag
york city to sign a new book. she said she was trying to get to barnes and noble this afternoon >> jon: now that's fair. biden can get inaugurated any time but if the justice waits too long, there may not be a barns and noble anymore. boom! bricks and mortgage and slam. anyway, to the main event. >> the first lady and those new bangs >> jon: yes. it's a new haircut. it is difficult to pull off something fun and flirty at age appropriate. she does it. she does it. i'm not...
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[cheers and applause] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. nice program for you tonight. fresh off a gelden globes victory, jessica chastain is going to be here from the film "zero dark thirty". i don't want to spoil it for anybody but keep your eye on the bin laden character. [ laughter ] now, listen, as you know following a series of terrible gun tragedies in this country in let's call it 30 years of you are bar warfare, america is in the midst of a serious conversation about guns. the nra has been clear thought would meet any gun laws with serious resistance. >> they are getting the message out rncht president's kids more important than yours? why is he skeptical but putting armed security in schools when his kids are protected at their schools? >> jon: and why does he get to veto bills and command an army when we don't? all right so the conversation has started and w
[cheers and applause] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. nice program for you tonight. fresh off a gelden globes victory, jessica chastain is going to be here from the film "zero dark thirty". i don't want to spoil it for anybody...
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>>> last week a new york city imagine taking a dump between to subway cars flipped and fell to his death as the train started moving. when you got tot go you have too but this guy went too soon. i'm guessing he was on the numbr 2 train. they found his underwear on the tracks and tracks in his underwear. i a tragedy like this to appreciate al rocker's decision to -- his pants. even the coroner showed up and said what died in here? two german tourists said that's the hottest thing they've ever seen. oh good-bye subway -- rest in feces. that's our show. see you soon but not too soon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> how are you doing, sir? >> you are the worst undercover cop i have ever seen. >>> are you volunteering. >> community service. >> is that how you get your audience? are you montley landscaping ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, everybody. welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. good one tonight. great one tonight. jennifer lopez is joining us tonight. first time on the program. [cheers and applause] a singer of note suggests a powerful
>>> last week a new york city imagine taking a dump between to subway cars flipped and fell to his death as the train started moving. when you got tot go you have too but this guy went too soon. i'm guessing he was on the numbr 2 train. they found his underwear on the tracks and tracks in his underwear. i a tragedy like this to appreciate al rocker's decision to -- his pants. even the coroner showed up and said what died in here? two german tourists said that's the hottest thing...
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in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] i'm jon stewart. oh, we've got a good one for you tonight. general billy mc-- stanley mcchrystal. last night we talked fiscal cliff. in the wake of things that happened. newtown a roara, portland, tucson -- it's a 22 minute show so i'm not going to list everybody but finally everybody is ready to talk about gun violence. the patrol has been ready for quite some time now. let's have that conversation people. nothing is off the table. no bad idea. it's a safe space. let's start the discussion on gun violence. let's talk about the gun control. >> gun control is not going to make any kid safer. we have to get the real problem, the real causes. >> jon: sorry, i just assumed that beginning a conversation about gun control meant starting with guns but you want to talk about the non-gun cause of -- [ laughter ] -- gun violence. you know what? it's a conversation no bad ideas mayb
in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] i'm jon stewart. oh, we've got a good one for you tonight. general billy mc-- stanley mcchrystal. last night we talked fiscal cliff. in the wake of things that happened. newtown a roara, portland, tucson -- it's a 22 minute show so i'm not going to list everybody but finally everybody is...
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york city. -- no, no, no. it was nerve wracking to even think about it. i couldn't do it actually because i was doing something else. i think i was on a film or something so i couldn't do it but the idea of it it was like oh, my god what do you do when you go there. >> jon: there's a controversy now. beyonce sang that beautiful rendition at the inauguration. it's her voice she just prerecorded it. >> sure. >> jon: as a performer is that considered an acceptable thing for you? >> sometimes it happens in certain stadiums or venues they prerecord things because you have the terrible flat back and -- you know? >> jon: sure the flat back. >> people do it. if i remember correctly. i could be wrong so -- >> jon: you are going to whitney houston 1991. >> she was also record. everybody loved it. it was a huge hit, but i think it was, too. >> jon: i would also think as somebody who dances as well you have to do that sometimes because you are running around and you are out of breathe unless right now asking that question
york city. -- no, no, no. it was nerve wracking to even think about it. i couldn't do it actually because i was doing something else. i think i was on a film or something so i couldn't do it but the idea of it it was like oh, my god what do you do when you go there. >> jon: there's a controversy now. beyonce sang that beautiful rendition at the inauguration. it's her voice she just prerecorded it. >> sure. >> jon: as a performer is that considered an acceptable thing for you?...
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. -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight fresh off -- fresh off golden globe win for acting, producing, choreography, lena dunham is on the show. [cheers and applause] obviously the big news president obama's hotly anticipated announcement of his new steps to try to curb gun violence. ah, i didn't see it. i don't -- [ laughter ] i don't want -- i don't want to bring the room down. my mind has been elsewhere. my girlfriend, who totally exists -- [ laughter ] that's her. you don't know her. [ laughter ] is going through a tough time. she died. [ laughter ] and then, ah, and then, ah, also fell off a cliff of leukemia. [ laughter ] so it's a tough day to be here for me. but i'm going to do it. her last tweet to me was, "this show must go ooooooon. -- [cheers and applause] -- wait, wait, #thump. all right. so i misse
. -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight fresh off -- fresh off golden globe win for acting, producing, choreography, lena dunham is on the show. [cheers and applause] obviously...
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>> stephen: that's it for the from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. my guest is bob costas. bob costas. he's going to be joining us on the program. we're going to begin with big news out of washington. in these recent years of perpetual war our military had to address some standard issues in order to keep enlistments up they've loosened their educational requirements, their "have you committed a felony" requirements. but now they're dropping the biggest barrier to combat roles yet. the [bleep] and balls requirement. >> leon panetta announced the military will let women serve in front line combat units including infantry, armor, artillery even potentially special forces >> jon: wow. first gays, now women. what's next? noncitizens? oh, really? for hundreds of years before both those other groups? the point is to it's a major policy shift. there are bound to be detractors >> there are certain anatomical fa
>> stephen: that's it for the from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. my guest is bob costas. bob costas. he's going to be joining us on the program. we're going to begin with big news out of washington. in these recent years of perpetual war our military had to address some standard issues in order to...
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headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome owe to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. good show tonight. my guest tonight the wonderful jeff bridges is going to be joining us. we're very excited about that. [cheers and applause] so obviously for the past few nights we've talked about heavy, complex difficult to solve issues like gun control, the fiscal give. girard depardu's heard breaking-really heartbreaking -- from his beloved france. he really looks like the pixar character of himself, does he not? tonight we're going to have fun with a little piece we call. ♪ disgraced financial institutions. we're just trying to real hard to make (bleep) fun. you know that bank hsbc it turns out the initials stand for holy (bleep) bankrupt. >> hsbc is accused of transferring billions of dollars for nations like iran, doing business with firms linked to terrorism and enabling mexican drug cartels to move money through u.s. sub sid dairies. >> jon: money laund
headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome owe to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. good show tonight. my guest tonight the wonderful jeff bridges is going to be joining us. we're very excited about that. [cheers and applause] so obviously for the past few nights we've talked about heavy, complex difficult to solve issues like gun control, the fiscal...
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in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." any name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, the one and only christopher walken. christopher walken will be joining us in a little bit. we're excited about that let me get to this right now. [cheers and applause] yesterday was a big day on capitol hill. secretary of state hillary clinton appeared before our nation's lawmakers finally answer the tough questions about the terrorist attack on in benghazi in september. of course, she was supposed to have testified back in december but kept postponing it for health issues. [ laughter ] it came to be referred to as the -- >> the benghazi flu. >> apparently it's the acute benghazi allergy. >> jon: well, the benghazi flu turned out to be a cerebral blood clot point taken. as there could be no doubt as to what caused the cooing alates in the cap larrys is fear of lawmakers. questions such as. >> at what point in time can our administration and governme
in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." any name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, the one and only christopher walken. christopher walken will be joining us in a little bit. we're excited about that let me get to this right now. [cheers and applause] yesterday was a big day on capitol hill. secretary of state hillary clinton appeared before our...